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Prologue:

In the beginning there was nothing to suggest there was ever an alternate reality elsewhere in the Multiverse. That has changed now as a rift has been opened between our realm and that of spirits. They came in hundreds to explore the new realm, the spirits that is. Unfortunately the rift is so close to our sun, we can't get near it without evaporating. Their realm is known as the spirit realm to us, or "| // |> | // | |/ ./" to them. Roughly translated it stands for Infinity. Now with them living among us, taking human forms, we no longer know if the people we talk to are human or spirit.

In | // |> // | // | |/ ./ there are ten spirits who have powers far beyond normal spirits, ruling the laws of the spirit realms, and manipulating them to their needs. There was Air, Earth, Fire, Water, Lightning, Dark, Light, Fate, Time and Creation. They were the high priests of The Infinite Being, an immortal spirit who rules over the entire Spirit realm. We will follow the paths of all these in the future.

I am Arcun. I am one of the Infinite Beings. Please note that I am "an" Infinite Being, not "The" Infinite Being, who is the one we worship. To be "The" Infinite Being means you rule over absolutely everything to do with the Spirit realm. To be "An" Infinite Being or a Lesser Infinite Being means your powers rule only one aspect of the Spirit realm, your powers are much smaller and you worship The Infinite Being.

Very confusing I know, but you will get used to it. We will be splitting the entire Infinity Series into Segments, and these Segments into Chapters.

A segment will follow a specific story of a particular group, Spirit or series of events. Chapters are there just to keep the Segment easier to read.
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Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License.
:iconarcun:

Author's Comments

So the beginning of the Infinity saga. there it is. I intend to design a map of the spirit realm, and pictures of all spirits. You'll get to know them very soon, I promise you. I got an advanced Critique of this thing and boy he had a lot to say about it!

Comments


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:icontnmloser:
A very interesting beginning, though it is incredibly short. An interesting idea that could be expanded into a nice introductory chapter or what have you.

A punctuation problem I noticedis the run-on appearence of the first sentence. The remedy to this is changing the comma in front of "but" to a semicolon, as it is a complex compound sentence.

Another quick fix is to change the "They" which begins the second sentence to "The spirits" to clarify for readers.

An ongoing problem in this is the disagreement of verb tenses. For instance, "They poured in..." and in the same sentence "... while we have no..." The "have" in this sentence should be "had", or "poured" needs to be changed to "pour."

The third sentence is a fragment that needs to be changed, and the forth sentence can be added as a detail. I would suggest "Their realm is known to us as the spirit realm, or '| // |> | // | |/ ./', roughly translated to Infinity, to them."

There are other things, but I don't want to make it appear as if I am being too critical of your work. Keep working on it, and I'm sure that this can become a very strong spiritual fantasy work.

-Terrence
:iconarcun:
Thanks man, I am very new to this lark called writing. I must admit that I can't understand half of what you meant but I'll go about making it longer soon. I'm getting around to corrections. All constructive criticism is accepted, at least you didn't tell me "That was crap!" like so many others would.

--
Metco. Quality products, bringing you the best we can. That may not be much, but I this isn't a profitmaking business yet, so why should I care?
:iconultimateshadowdragon:
looking good so far, you can understand it to get the gist of it and it goes good for the prologue, hope to see more of it soon!:nod:

--
Probability for child injury: Very much!

Golden Rule: Think about what your saying, then don't say it and just run away somewhere!
:icontnmloser:
You're quite welcome.

As for your revise, it not only clarifies the intent and vision of the story, it also strengthens the prologue.

In regards to not understanding what I said in my previous critique, don't worry about.

As you grow as an author and learn more about the medium of writing, you will start seeing small things that most people miss when writing.

Overall, however, I have to say that I am very interested in this piece, and will follow it.

-Terrence

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September 18, 2007
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